Home › Vantage › No double entendres: The words the censor board doesn’t want you to hear (discretion advised)
Two days ago, the Central Board of Film Certification issued directions to their regional officers regarding a set of words that are not to be permitted in any certification category. Here is a copy of that list.
I hope “khada hai, khada hai” is still allowed, Mr. Nihalani.
I tried reasoning out how Mr Nihani would have come up with this ‘comprehensive’ list, but left it for I love my sanity.
Now to celebrate it let me use these words for you Nihlaniji : You are a Chutiyam Sulphate, engaged in Chutspah of the best kind. Now please go and engage yourself in some good old hastmaithun. Maybe your sanity could return after that.
Now I can safely watch movies with my family.
OK, I admit. I made a mistake voting for the BJP in the Lok Sabha elections. This is not the kind of achche din that I wanted. Although I find cuss words quite uncomfortable and obnoxious, I would never gag others from using them. I would never impose my morals on others. Hope there is a better alternative available in the 2019 elections.
janab aapkee jahalat kee koi had nahee hai
kisee ne aapko taleem aur tazeeb sokhayee hotee to
ye haal na hota— apna gaaliyon ka appetite aap kisee
kothe per bhadue ka job lekar bhee poora ker sakte hain
censor word ka latlab Dictionary me padh leejiye
aur aapke liye sirf BEWAQOOF, BADTAMEEZ AUR
EK DAM JAAAAAAHIL HAIWAAN JO CENSOR BOARD
KE AFSER KE LIYE APNE AAP KO NANGA KER RAHA HAI
PRIYA NEHLANI SAHEB AUR CURRENT CENSOR BOARD KE MEMBERS,
Aap sab ko hazaaron shukriya ki aapne moral
courage show kiya aur hamaaree filmo aur TV PROGRAMS SE
IS TAMAM GANDHEE BHASHA KO POOREE TARAH
HATANE KEE SHUROOWAT KEE.
Bharat ke karodon shreef insaan aur pariwar aapke
attant ABHAAAREE HAIN AUR RAHENGEY.
ummeed hai ki ye film wale apne paise kee takat se
kaheen is mahan kadam ko kamzor na ker den
To Dear Censor Board
*Happy Valentine’s Day*
A bastard of divine love and man-made hate;
Before he came into this world, he was fucked by his own fate.
He masturbated to search the meaning of his existence, and made best friends with all the sons of bitches;
Screwed himself for social acceptance and saw dicks gradually turn into cock suckers for all the worldly riches.
His destiny was a fucking bitch and his God a fucking cunt;
The virtue of tolerance in his society was smaller than the asshole of a runt.
He could have been a total pussy and accepted all of that;
And lived peacefully as a motherfucker just like all other rats.
But his epiphanies were too liberating and self discoveries fucking cool;
He spent his lifetime breaking chains and died a romantic fool.
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